It sucks that Uber is going to be turned over to Grab next month. Most people might not really care, and would think I’m entitled for caring too much about an app that can chauffeur you from point A to point B while the rest of the country is stuck with dilapidated trains and age-old jeepneys, but so what? 2018 is a bad year for feeling anything anyway.
I have a personal connection with Uber, if that even makes sense. I like taking the Uber on my way home at night and prefer pooling not because I like to talk to people – fuck that, I don’t even talk to the drivers sometimes – but that makes the trip longer, and I’m all for that. It gives me more time to sink deep with my music, and sink deeper with my thoughts.
I’ve associated it with reevaluating my life choices, sometimes with meaningful silence, sometimes with blank spaces with good music in between. In that window I think I’m entitled to feel anything, or say anything, and no one’s going to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do.
I guess long drives just appeal to me in general, and I’m just getting sentimental. Hay. I wish I can drive. I’ve always postponed learning, but now that my younger sister can park the Everest, that leaves me the only one in my family who can’t drive. I wonder who’s going to be my first passenger, where I’m going for my first long drive, what music I would play first. The problem with firsts is that there’s so much pressure hanging over its head, like it has the capacity to fuck up whatever is going to happen thereafter. It doesn’t, does it?
I wish there’s a way for me to look into myself without the need for a chauffeured trip going home, or a person to talk to to not feel alone, but I guess these things you just learn on your own without even noticing. Life is trippy like that.
Maybe I’m too in love with the idea of nostalgia. Hence, the Uber trips. Ironically, despite being enamored with the past, here I am, still trying to jolt memories out of my way. Sometimes I cannot wait but get through the day hoping that when I wake up tomorrow, everything I loved will eventually come back to me.
But in the end, I can only hope.