So that’s how it feels.
You see the cliff, and the scenery that lies beyond it. You see the water with the bluest hue, and you are kissed, over and over again, by the cold sea breeze. You see birds flying around from a distance, and the sun oozes just a little bit of light to almost make you cry. Beautiful. So beautiful that you are reminded of God and the enormity of the universe. So beautiful that you suddenly feel humbled by the thought of how minuscule you are.
And then you wonder how, despite having both parents who were born and raised in this province, you’ve never been into this place before. You gape at the beautiful houses situated near the cliff. But you go back to that magnetic boulder and the water that lies beneath. The reason why you and the rest of your family took a 5-minute drive from where you’re staying. It was pretty steep, as you have expected. But not as steep as you imagined it to be. Well, you like exaggerating. The moment someone brought up the idea of cliff diving, you already said no inside your head. No. Never. Not in this life. Or during the next.
Fuck. That. Shit.
So what happened?
Well, you just kind of, do it. At first, I was shouting on top of my lungs the saddest fact that I don’t know how to swim. You see, I grew up surrounded by water. My dad likes to fish so much that we used to spend our Sundays in fishing lakes than in churches. But when I was younger, I was this always-silent-in-the-corner kid who hates the outdoors. I was weak. I get scars walking the fuck out of pavements. I was so fragile that I fell off the sea one time and drowned for more than a minute. It felt like a lifetime of waiting for my life to end. Then my dad came to the rescue. Saltwater and tears mixed on my little face. Since then, I never learned how to swim.
By this time, two of my sisters already jumped off the cliff. I saw their bodies crash into the blue sea and disappear from the purest sea foam I’ve ever seen, then they resurface like mermaids, but with disheveled hair and squinted eyes. It made me jealous so much to the point that I said I would do it if someone would be there to make sure I won’t drown. My dad and one of my cousins said yes. No turning back now.
My heart was pounding seconds before. My knees were shaking. I hesitated for a little. But I ignored all signs of weakness. Because if you think about it, there is nothing scary when you get past your fear. What lies beyond that is just… I don’t know. Fulfillment. Maybe happiness. Or just the fact that you are actually brave and seizing the shit out of your life. The moment I finally plunged into the deep, was a literal moment of surrender. It’s crazy how seconds before, my heart was pounding that I can literally hear it throb.
And so that jump became a metaphor for everything. It became a sign for me to rid my heart of all hesitations. Yes, just go through that interview and become a Business reporter. Yes, take up swimming. Yes, start trading stocks again.
Yes. Just fucking do what you want to do, and do it with a passion.